


Don't Let the Thought of Me Hold You Back

by AhoyFaytho



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cheating, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt, M/M, still shit at tagging, they aren't in the band
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 09:27:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5622100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AhoyFaytho/pseuds/AhoyFaytho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael is a dick and Luke is passive.</p>
<p>Re-vamp of my old version of this story. Hopefully it's better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let the Thought of Me Hold You Back

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going back and editing some of the stories I've written and this just so happened to be the first. Completely rewritten.

Anyone who knew Michael knew he loved being the center of attention, and his parties were a great way to be just that. So the party going on at his house was of no surprise to anyone. He had them often, and each one was louder, better, and wilder than the last. He thrived off of it, the energy that his parties gave off.

 

His boyfriend felt just the opposite though. Luke watched the older boy drink, dance, and just be his usual loud self. All the while he himself remained secluded to a corner of the room every time. Trying to stay hidden, trying not to be a burden. He didn't care to drink, the one beer he had all night yet to be finished. He didn't care too much for Michael's friends, and they didn't seem to care too much for Luke either. There was just no appeal in the whole party scene for him, but he came to every single one. Because Michael asked him to.

 

When Michael would have these parties, Luke would feel more like he was crashing it than invited. No matter who came, no matter what the occasion, Luke would always manage to feel like shit.

 

And Michael would sometimes contribute to this feeling, get too drunk and make Luke look like a loser. Telling all his friends how Luke was pretty much recluse. How he didn’t even know he was there half the time. They'd laugh and ask Michael why exactly he stayed with Luke. And Michael would just shrug and laugh, not knowing the answer to that himself. That always hurt Luke. If you asked Luke the same question he'd tell you it was never a burden to be with Michael. He'd explain that he loved Michael and couldn't see himself with anyone else. He'd always stuck up for his boyfriend, even if Michael would never do the same for him. He knew it wasn't fair to expect the same from him, but their feelings varied extremely.

 

Luke, like everyone else, had his limits though. Had a boiling point. And he’d reached it.

 

It had started out the same as always, Luke alone, Michael socializing like his life depended on it. But this time around Luke had been sitting there all night. Just watching sadly as Michael clung to a girl way more attractive and more outgoing than Luke could have ever even hoped to be.

 

He watched as she and Michael clung to each other during a game of beer pong. He cheered her on, arm wrapped around her waist. Of course they won. Luke watched as they danced together in ways Michael had never danced with Luke. Luke couldn’t blame that one on anyone but himself. He never wanted to dance with Michael in public. He stayed and watched as the two darted from room to room having the time of their lives. Enjoying every second they spent together.

 

But soon the party died down, and Luke died down with it. It took a lot out of him to be there. Couple that with his sadness about his boyfriend carting around the girl he’d been with. He was exhausted and he wanted nothing more than to sleep for a long time. Yet he didn’t think he was welcome to stay the night and hadn’t seen Michael to ask him.

 

When he had set out to find the boy and tell him he was leaving, he didn't expect to see him kissing the girl from earlier. He kissed her like he used to kiss Luke. With such passion and ferocity that Luke wondered if he even had the right to be there in the first place. She seemed more in place than he ever had or ever would to be honest. He had only came because he wanted to support Michael, he wanted to be a good boyfriend. But taking in the scene confirmed Michael didn't need his support at all to have a good time.

 

And Luke didn't even realize he was crying until a sob pulled itself from his throat. Heard by both Michael and the girl. It was responded to by apologies Luke knew meant nothing, and a patronizing look that somehow seemed to answer everything.

 

`````````````````````````

 

Michael was pissed. Michael was sad. Michael was feeling just about every emotion that he had no right to be feeling at that point. He was the most idiotic man in the world for risking and losing someone as wonderful as Luke Hemmings. He was the most idiotic in the man for not having the gall to apologize. Unless the drunken ones he blabbered out to Luke the same night he’d cheated counted.

 

They’d only split up a few weeks prior and Michael was already swimming in a pool of self loathing. And it deep. He’d tried drinking his problems away. Fucking his problems away. Even crying his problems away. But as long as Luke wasn't with him, he’d never have his problems go away. They’d stick with him forever if he didn’t get his boyfriend back.

 

And of course he knew, knew damn well, that it was his fault. He’d been the one who’d cheated, the one who betrayed the trust of somebody he cared about so much. How he could even be so selfish to want somebody back after he’d wrecked them? He didn’t put it past himself though, he knew he was kind of horrible.

 

Especially to Luke. The one that made him feel a sliver of happiness. Luke who was anxious at parties and around people in general who still came anyway. The same boy who would take care of Michael every morning after. The exact same Luke Robert Hemmings who did everything in his power to take care of Michael, to love him. Luke was the brightest being in his life. The brightest to walk the earth. Who even needed a sun when Luke Hemmings was in their universe?

 

Michael had come to realize soon after their break up that he was so screwed when it came to making up with him. He’d hurt the the younger boy too much. He wasn't ready to forgive Michael for all the pain he’d inflicted on him emotionally. That was the one thing Michael was happy about when it came to their split. Luke wasn’t about to take his shit and listen to his bullshit excuse. In a weird way, it made him happy that Luke cared enough about himself to not take him back. But he did want him back. A lot. Sometimes more than he was willing to admit aloud.

 

Which is what got him into the mess in the first place. Not telling Luke how he felt enough. Not showing it enough. Or at least not as much as he should have been. Because he did love Luke with every fiber of his being, every single aspect of him was perfect in his eyes. But feeling it isn't enough if you don’t show it. And of course he had to go and add the whole cheating thing to the mix. Yeah, that may have played a part in it. He didn’t even remember what she looked like, he only remembers what his ex looked like when he saw it take place. He felt horrible for even thinking that a party was a good idea. He knew the events that lead up to it all were preventable, he just wasn't smart enough to keep it from occurring.

 

He wasn't a good boyfriend, he’d give Luke that, but he would do anything and everything in his power to get him back. Even if it was irrational to think that he would. He’d try and try until he couldn’t anymore.

`````````````````````````

Michael knew what he wanted, and knew why he wanted it, but he didn’t know how he was going to go about getting it.

 

He wanted Luke with every fibre of his being, knew that he needed the boy by his side. He didn’t have even the slightest idea if he would get him back. He had betrayed the younger boy’s trust, and there was no going back from that. At least not easily.

 

Not to get Michael wrong, he was trying his best to get closer to Luke again. He spent nights talking to Luke until three A.M. about nothing at all. He spent some nights talking to him about everything there was. Sometimes just hanging out with the younger boy, spending time at Michael’s house. They even dyed his hair that last time Luke visited. And even though Michael despised the color Luke had picked out, he bought it anyway. It made Luke happy, and that was all Michael was hoping for.

 

Within the first few weeks Luke would deny his every call. He'd slam the door in his face when he’d show up at his doorstep. He even went as far to get his brothers to threaten Michael’s existence. During those trying times, Luke found it in himself to return a call.

 

It’d been months now, months of getting to know exactly what the other was about. Months of Michael gaining Luke’s respect, trust, and forgiveness. It was good. They were friends again, almost as close as before. Michael figured they’d never exactly go back to how they used to be.

 

The answer to every pressing question Luke decided to ask got answered. The response to every gesture had been positive, and there were no more secrets. They were both giving their all in their rekindled friendship. Luke would say when he was uncomfortable in a situation, or had a problem with something said or done. Michael would tell Luke ahead of time about who they were hanging out with. He’d let him know in advance if he was planning to have any kind of get together that involved crowds of people. They were getting the hang of things, functioning. They were working together.

 

Luke had become more open which was great, wonderful even. But he’d also become more forward and assertive within his communication. Which is why when he asked a major question while hanging out with him, he should've expected it. But he didn't.

 

“What even made you want to cheat on me? Like, what went through your head?” he’d asked out of the blue.

 

They had laid cuddled up on Michael’s couch watching The Anchorman when Luke brought it up. He’d propped himself up onto his elbow, turned over to face him, and looked up at Michael. He was looking for a serious answer. A thoughtful one too, not just something the older boy could pull from his ass on the spot. Michael was good at doing that. But Luke wanted the honest to god truth and that was what they’d been working on as of late.

 

“I don’t really know why.” Michael replied with a sigh.

 

“Michael don’t give me that bullshit, you and I both know that you had a reason.” Luke wasn’t accepting such a fucked up answer. Of course Michael knew why he cheated. It made Michael smile a little to hear Luke voicing his wants.

 

“Let me finish Luke,” he sighed. He ran a hand through his hair, and looked everywhere but into the blue eyes that held the power to make him weak.

 

“I had no good reason too. I don’t know why I did it. And I swear there was nothing between Emma and I...the girl I cheated on you with...beforehand. It was heat of the moment. And I swear I never had thoughts of cheating before. The thing is, I’m an asshole. More than likely, I’m the biggest one you’ll ever meet too. And sometimes I don’t know how much good I have until I find it walking out of my life and never looking back. You were the one thing that kept me completely me. I partied, and maybe made you feel like less than the beautiful human being you are when I spoke to you sometimes. I loved you Luke, and I hope that you know that. I still love you if I'm being honest with you.” Luke was going to interrupt, but Michael shushed him before he could.

 

“No, just listen. I do still love you. And even if you hated me with every ounce in your body. Even if the thought of me held you back from ever trusting anyone again. Hell even if you got married with three kids, and a super hot husband, and a dog named Pepper, I’d still do everything in my power to keep you aware of the love I feel for you. You’re all that I have Luke Hemmings. I’ll let you leave me physically, but the memories of us will always stay right here with me. Because nobody and nothing, could ever make me think of you any less. You’ll always be the one for me.” Michael finished up his small speech and turned his attention back to the television. The movie was over halfway through already.

 

The pair sat in silence for a while. Michael was beating himself up for just throwing that on Luke. And Luke was trying to process all that Michael said, and get his feelings and words sorted.

 

“Michael you’re an idiot.” Luke stated. Michael nodded, he wasn’t going to deny that fact.

 

“Because you had me, you had me whenever you needed me. I was there throughout the bullshit taunting, the days we’d go with you ignoring me, I was always there. And here I am now. Only a months later after you completely broke me and my heart, and I’m with you feeling happy and content. You hurt me more than I ever thought was capable. I think we were destined meant to be a couple. If there’s a such thing as soulmates, then we are exactly that. But there’s only so much strain we can take on a relationship before it just deteriorates. I love you Michael, I want to be with you forever and longer, but if we can’t then we can’t. I’ll try my best, and you try yours. That’s all we can ask of each other. So this is me, giving you this last chance. This is the only last chance you’ll get. So I suggest not using it to cheat on me again.Okay?”

 

When Luke looked up at Michael, Michael knew that he was content to spend the rest of forever with him. He knew that it was all he ever wanted. So when Luke kissed Michael like he hadn’t seen him in years, Michael didn’t hesitate to return it.

 

Nothing would keep them apart. Not as long as they both knew that they belonged together.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully you all liked this. You can find me on tumblr at intergalactic-jesus. Thanks for reading.


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